Its Sunday morning and I am up early. Wow, that's amazing for me, I usually lounge around in my PJ's till 11 a.m. or so. But I am up, dressed, including make-up on, ready to get my gab on and do some picking with one of my best friends, Rhonda. We go to out of the way places to find old stuff to add to our stuff, which technically we don't need any more stuff. But its fun! Who knew I would be enamored by stuff my Mom use to have in her home, 50 years ago. Even if we don't find that "one" special thing, we always have such fun, crazy fun. If people saw me on these outings they may ask, "who is that?" Its a chance to forget everyday worries, a chance to really be me, and what is more special then sharing it with a person who really "gets" you.
Some may ask what is so fun about rummaging through other peoples old stuff. Some even hate the thought, it grosses them out. Not us! I find memories, art, and history. The old adage. "they don't make them like they use to" is very accurate. We live a disposable world now, and what is more savvy than upcycling or reusing what was once a treasured item?
I have tons of "projects" that I say I am going to work on, upcycle a found object. And promises to myself that I would learn how to sew, refinish wood, maybe use a power tool or two. I want to! Problem is there isn't enough time and the day! We still have to do that 9 to 5 thing, buy food, pay the mortgage...Bummer. When will the time come? Hopefully soon. Meanwhile, I will continue the quest of finding new "old" things to add to my pile. After all, tomorrow IS another day!
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Small random thoughts....
Never celebrate on a loved ones death, celebrate their birth! The former is just morbid.
Friday, August 28, 2015
My Hero
I lost my mom 11 days ago. I should say I had lost her longer ago than that, she slept pretty much the last week on earth. I am so grateful she didn't suffer, just slept longer and longer as the cancer progressed. I am not going to get into the depressing details, Mom would not want that. I need to accentuate the positive. She wanted to die gracefully, and she did. She just went to sleep. I was there as much as I could be the last month and the last week- stayed as long as I could. I wanted to.
I never meant to broadcast to the world my pain, but evidently I did, on Facebook. It was so hard just going through it all, I thought sharing would ease the pain. I wasn't an attention hoarder- well, OK, maybe just a little bit. But my true friends really came through for me. The support, the camaraderie of people who lost family and loved ones to cancer also. Mom told me she didn't care as long as never felt like it was a "pity party". Yes, she said exactly that. She didn't want pity. She hated what the cancer did to her body, her speech, her skin color. (she got very jaundice) So I never took her picture, I didn't subject her to the public. She stayed home until we had to have help. That was what she wanted. I went right along with her, listened to her wants. When she spoke of how she wanted her funeral, who her pall bearers would be, what she was to wear...all of it, I listened. No one wants to hear things like that, but if I didn't- she would not of gotten what she wanted, And she did. I saw to it. Everything she asked for, I made sure it was done. Still have trials, still think of her constantly. I even forget she is gone for brief moments. I seen a bottle of wine I thought she would like at the store today, was going to ask her if she'd like me to pick up a bottle. A brief moment of madness? No, just love, hope.
My family went through much of this too, maybe not the being with her as I was, but I was able and am will be forever thankful I could be. I never want any of my brothers or my sister to feel guilty for NOT being there, because Mom did not want them to feel that way. She knew they had lives, jobs, they live a distance away. It meant more to her for them to live their lives- to go on. Not to dwell on her being sick, but her remember her in life. So- my brothers and sis-if you read this, she told me many, many times. " I don't want them here if it causes hardship, I know they love me. Life will go on."
One of the last sentences Mom was able to speak to me came after I put her to bed one night. She was barely able to make it to her bedroom with my assistance and the walker. She had to stop half way in the kitchen, sit, rest, then get up and go again. As I helped her get dressed for bed, laid her head down on the pillow, she said, " You are not going to like what I am going to say, but I hate this, I can't go on like this, I want this over." I was at her feet, and I looked her straight in the eyes, and said, "I know Mom, I know, I understand." Then I went to give her a kiss on the head and she grab my face between her two hands, one on each cheek and said, "thank you Honey" She closed her eyes, and went right to sleep. She wasn't thanking me for putting her to bed, she was thanking because I understood. I understood that she was ready. It was less than a week and she was gone. She told me and I prepared myself. It was time.
Norma Ehlers, My Mom, my hero.
I never meant to broadcast to the world my pain, but evidently I did, on Facebook. It was so hard just going through it all, I thought sharing would ease the pain. I wasn't an attention hoarder- well, OK, maybe just a little bit. But my true friends really came through for me. The support, the camaraderie of people who lost family and loved ones to cancer also. Mom told me she didn't care as long as never felt like it was a "pity party". Yes, she said exactly that. She didn't want pity. She hated what the cancer did to her body, her speech, her skin color. (she got very jaundice) So I never took her picture, I didn't subject her to the public. She stayed home until we had to have help. That was what she wanted. I went right along with her, listened to her wants. When she spoke of how she wanted her funeral, who her pall bearers would be, what she was to wear...all of it, I listened. No one wants to hear things like that, but if I didn't- she would not of gotten what she wanted, And she did. I saw to it. Everything she asked for, I made sure it was done. Still have trials, still think of her constantly. I even forget she is gone for brief moments. I seen a bottle of wine I thought she would like at the store today, was going to ask her if she'd like me to pick up a bottle. A brief moment of madness? No, just love, hope.
My family went through much of this too, maybe not the being with her as I was, but I was able and am will be forever thankful I could be. I never want any of my brothers or my sister to feel guilty for NOT being there, because Mom did not want them to feel that way. She knew they had lives, jobs, they live a distance away. It meant more to her for them to live their lives- to go on. Not to dwell on her being sick, but her remember her in life. So- my brothers and sis-if you read this, she told me many, many times. " I don't want them here if it causes hardship, I know they love me. Life will go on."
One of the last sentences Mom was able to speak to me came after I put her to bed one night. She was barely able to make it to her bedroom with my assistance and the walker. She had to stop half way in the kitchen, sit, rest, then get up and go again. As I helped her get dressed for bed, laid her head down on the pillow, she said, " You are not going to like what I am going to say, but I hate this, I can't go on like this, I want this over." I was at her feet, and I looked her straight in the eyes, and said, "I know Mom, I know, I understand." Then I went to give her a kiss on the head and she grab my face between her two hands, one on each cheek and said, "thank you Honey" She closed her eyes, and went right to sleep. She wasn't thanking me for putting her to bed, she was thanking because I understood. I understood that she was ready. It was less than a week and she was gone. She told me and I prepared myself. It was time.
Norma Ehlers, My Mom, my hero.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Simple
So I decided to be more frugal, appreciate what I have, not coveting what my friends or neighbors have. Its difficult! People my age are starting over with building new homes, remodeling their old houses. They got things in their homes I can't even fathom owning. One gal I know has 2 stoves, yes, 2. If she has family and friends over she can cook more! How much fun is that! Here I am, empty nester, well sort of (more on that later) and can just pop a frozen entree in the toaster oven, maybe go out to eat. And this gal delibertly ask people over and cooks huge amounts of food for everyone, has all these great dishes, and uses a lot of dishes too...on PURPOSE! Sorry, not fun to me. I've been there, I had dinner on the table every night for 19 years, done, no more. You want it, you fix it, or take me out to eat. So does she have 2 dishwashers? NOPE. Got to wash those big pans in that fancy apron sink. Or maybe thats what that bar sink is for? Tiny dishes?
So I am thinking, do I really want this gal over at my house? Show her my 1970's kitchen with the old stainless steal sink that I can't wash a 9 X 11 inch pan in flat? Or my old counter tops, formica! One stove, one sink, no dishwasher...well that's me (dish washer) technically. But then maybe she'd like to come over, see how simple it is. I actually sit down at night, sometimes 3 to 4 hours before I go to bed! Yes, sit. Not cleaning the kitchen.
No, I want the simple life now, I did the big house, twice- I did this on purpose. My home is small, cozy, perfect for a few to sit and talk, maybe share a glass of wine, cup of coffee...they make nice disposable cups now! Come on, envy me!
So I am thinking, do I really want this gal over at my house? Show her my 1970's kitchen with the old stainless steal sink that I can't wash a 9 X 11 inch pan in flat? Or my old counter tops, formica! One stove, one sink, no dishwasher...well that's me (dish washer) technically. But then maybe she'd like to come over, see how simple it is. I actually sit down at night, sometimes 3 to 4 hours before I go to bed! Yes, sit. Not cleaning the kitchen.
No, I want the simple life now, I did the big house, twice- I did this on purpose. My home is small, cozy, perfect for a few to sit and talk, maybe share a glass of wine, cup of coffee...they make nice disposable cups now! Come on, envy me!
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