Advice

Changes, life happens. We all have those moments in life that forever alters your being. Small things, big things happen. Nothing prepares you for it, it just happens. My mother death, though I knew she was dying nothing prepares you for that. Now that she is gone, I realize the true impact it had on my life. I always miss her, its as if there is this ache in my heart that wishes to hear her voice, hear her laugh. I long to ask for her advice. But life keeps tumbling forward. I will adapt to the space she left in my heart. I will share her with anyone who will listen-about the woman I most admired. With the memories I have, she is alive. 

I made some decisions about my career. Career...Not sure if career is a good choice of words for someone like me, who doesn't want her job to define who I am. I work to live and pay bills. I am not saying I can't enjoy what I do as "a job". But to me, careers are for the woman who strives to be the best at what they went to college for, those ambitious women, who can balance their careers with their home life as if it no big deal. I can't do that. My family, my home, each mean so much to me that the "job" stays where it should, I don't want it to over flow into  my personal life. I would never put down the "career" driven woman. I admire them. Its just not who I am. When my "job" did flow over into my home life, effecting my emotional self that's when I had to reevaluate what I needed to do. I am almost 50 years old, not that 50 is by any means "old" but I can not 'live' to work. There has to be balance. My balance is family and home first, job second. Decisions were made, big mistakes made along the way. I will not let a job take over my life again, I will not let it change me. It will never over flow into my health or my relationships with the people I love EVER again. I will learn balance. 

So as I said in the beginning of this blog, losing my Mom changed so many things. She gave me some advice one day, as we sat together on her porch, right after one of her doctor appointments. She took my hand and said, "Honey, promise me you will not work in a place that makes you unhappy." I had told her how stressed I was at my current job. She continued, "Remember how it affected me? I had health issues because of the stress. It is not worth it." again she said, "Promise me!" So I promised her I wouldn't stay where I am not happy. Guess what, she was right. I was getting physically ill. And it is not worth it. I left where I was unhappy and I felt like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Thank you Mom, for still reaching out to me.